I wanna bring you to show and tell
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
