I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
