If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
