he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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