I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
