I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i drank out of a bidet.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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