did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
