Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
