I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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