I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
