i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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