he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
