im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
