C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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