Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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