They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
