Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
