Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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