The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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