How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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