I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
