if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize