I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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