If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
