I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
