You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
