Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
