yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
