No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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