SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
