I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
