I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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