Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
