It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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