Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
