just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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