There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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