so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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