Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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