When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
