The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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