do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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