my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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