I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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