Who did Billy Mays play for?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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