I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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