Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize