I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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