Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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