We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
