question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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