I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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