Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
