Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
