guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just pee around me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
