The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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