I love black thongs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
