her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
