Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
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