I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize