Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
