so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You need Xanax blowdarts
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
