He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have tasted many bathrooms
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
