how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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