If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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