My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize