I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just puked most of my soul out..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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