I think I am morally bankrupt
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This house was built for laser tag.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
