I faked an abortion last night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
two words: eviction party
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
