We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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