Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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