the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
