break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
