i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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