I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
