had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
