Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
