Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
being pregnant is like rehab
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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