You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
