I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
