Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
