Kiss
Puke
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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