Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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