the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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