we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize